In The Messy Moments
When I first announced that I would be taking a brief hiatus from regular blogging to focus on my brand-new baby and figuring out motherhood, I received a message from my good friend and neighbor, Kerry, offering to write a guest post for me during this time. Kerry is not only one of the best moms I know (the mother of my two besties next door, Lila and Paul), but she is also an author! I was beyond excited to have her on the blog and am so touched by her wisdom and advice. I think you will be too.
Hello there, Always, Bekah readers! My lovely friend Bekah is taking some time to focus on her precious new baby, so I am honored to jump in and share some thoughts as a guest writer this week.
Watching Bekah and Elliot begin their journey as new parents has caused me to reflect on my parenting journey- I have a 9 and 7 year old, and they are the absolute lights of my life.
New parents always receive lots of advice, one piece of which has been on my mind lately. It came while I was pregnant, written in a baby card from one of my dear aunts, and said
“Love every moment. Even the messy ones.”
Please allow me to pause here and share that, while this was important advice, it was not immediately one of my favorites. My brain first read this note and thought- “Messy moments? No thank you.” The neat-freak in me balked at this suggestion. I felt quite sure that I would love the snuggles, the cuddles, reading books and taking long stroller walks. I was prepared for the Hallmark Movie/ Instagram version of being a mother, where the mess is conveniently left out.
My whole life I have been in love with organization. My heart soars when I see clean floors, folded laundry, plastic bins with their contents identified by a handy label maker. A visit to the local Container Store is like a balm to my soul. Loving the messy moments? Not my style.
And yet…
The paradox of this is that, as a parent, it is simply not possible to ban the mess— and, the love that you feel for your little people never turns off. No amount of getting up at 3 am to clean up bodily fluids can slow this force of love. No amount of toys strewn across the floor can dampen a parent’s love.
Somehow, somewhere in the middle of millions of unavoidable messy moments, parents must learn to hold those two incontrovertible truths in the same space, together- parenting is messy, and the love never stops. Love in the messiest of moments.
The advice has never left me, and over time I see what a beautiful encapsulation it is for the contradictions inherent in parenting.
I have come to learn over time that there is beauty in finding the love of each moment, even if we don’t like part of the moment. I may not love getting up at 3am with a sick kiddo and cleaning up after them, but I sure do love that kiddo. I love that I am the person they come to when they need help, when they don’t feel well, and they trust me to snuggle them, clean them up, and help them safely back to bed. I did not love changing diapers when we were in that phase of life, but I sure did adore seeing the sweet baby faces and hearing their little coos and babbling voices. I may not love that my kids’ bedrooms are sometimes messy and littered with clothes and books—but I sure do love that 2 rooms of my home are occupied by my favorite kids in the entire world. Each messy moment is part of this beautiful journey, and I am here for all of them!
And so, maybe my advice to new parents is not to “love the messy moments,” but to find love in the messy moments. I don’t have to love the mess, but I can love the maker of the mess. My love for them does not diminish because of the mess and, in fact, grows more and more each day.