The Truth About The First Year of Marriage
The Good, The Bad & The Beautiful
Big News, friends.
Elliot and I have been married for a WHOLE year.
WHAT.
I know, it’s nuts.
It’s nuts that someone actually likes me enough to be hitched with me and not kill me. For real.
What a miracle.
I won’t lie, I’m very excited about my anniversary. I’ve never been married for a year before, so it’s kind of a big deal. I’m not totally sure what my expectations for marriage were when we got married, but the truth is, it’s not what I expected.
It’s better.
It’s navigating life with someone that rocks your socks. The road isn’t always smooth and the weather isn’t always sunny. Sometimes it’s bumpy and sometimes you get completely lost and have to re-route to get back on track. Either way, you’ve got your trail-blazing BFF right there with you, and that’s all you need.
It’s been a full year of loving and learning about each other and ourselves. I’m not a marriage expert by any means, but I’ve picked up a few things in the last 12 months.
So I have compiled a list of what I’ve learned this past year: good, the bad, and the beautiful.
Buckle up.
We are very different people, and that’s okay.
I am a psychopath and have this notion that everyone sees and feels things exactly the same way I do. LOLZ. Guys, I really am certifiable, God bless this man. We’ve spent a lot of time listening to relationship podcasts, and reading content on marriage, and we’ve also delved into our respective personalities to try to learn more about each other. Our favorite personality test was the Enneagram, because not only does it describe your tendencies, but also the way you perceive things and why you react the way you do. It’s very helpful, and I would highly recommend you take the quiz here.
Anyway.
My husband is a servant. He is an Enneagram Type 2, and he lives to help others and fix EVERYTHING. Can he fix everything? No, but he tries his hardest to fix everything and anything he can, whether it’s a dead wifi card, a broken garbage disposal, or my hurt feelings. He’s (unbearably, sometimes) empathetic, and sensitive to others’ feelings, where I am (unbearably, sometimes) pragmatic and logical. I have my goals and priorities, and I function according to rules. Rules are devoid of emotion, and so I tend to be apathetic in my reactions to things.
I’m sure you can imagine how we may not align on some matters.
However, there is room to grow. He has taught me (some) empathy (still working on it), and I’ve taught him how to pause and gather all the facts before he reacts. I’m glad we have our differences, because we can help each other in our strengths and weaknesses. I see it as such an act of grace that I can be so hardheaded sometimes, but I am still blessed with a partner who abounds in patience and compassion. I don’t deserve it, but am so grateful for it.
Nobody’s Perfect.
Elliot has the memory of a freaking goldfish, I tell you. If I ask him to do something or remember something, he HAS to write it down immediately or it’s gone. Forever. It’s hard to accept because I have a pretty solid memory, so I can’t relate to forgetting things often. Not that this has happened or anything, but if I were to, say, put the laundry basket next to the stairs and ask him to take it upstairs the next time he goes up, he might FORGET IT ON THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS. No big deal, it’s fine, I’ll get it babe.
Or I accidentally lock him out of the house every single time I close the sliding glass door behind me. Does he get annoyed? Heck yes he does! Because I just did it 15 minutes ago and the poor guy is just trying to grill some dang dinner for us.
The struggle is real.
We’re Not Romantic. At All.
I mean, we try. But romance to us, is not the typical “candlelight & roses” deal.
Honestly, we would MUCH rather go to Texas Roadhouse and split a Cactus Blossom and $3 Yuenglings in a T shirt and jeans. I love that about us. We would ALWAYS choose some delicious pub food over a 5 star restaurant, and if there’s beer, count us in. Spending the day together outside with the girls hiking or at the park is one of our favorite things to do, because really, we’re best friends. There’s no one else I’d rather eat all the snacks with. And let me tell you, we eat A LOT of snacks.
I Am So Blessed.
Friends, I honestly had no idea how much this man could love me. I am loved so well by him, that I am blown away by the idea that he is just going to get better and better as time goes on.
He puts me first when I don’t deserve it, and he is patient and loving when I am impatient and unloving. He is truly one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever received. I have always dreamed of having a husband who treats me like gold, and was my best friend, and I am finally living that dream. This man goes above and beyond every single day to show me acts of love and kindness, and there is nothing I could do to deserve that kind of love.
Most people think being married looks like this.
For me, marriage looks like this.
This is one of my favorite pictures of us. Me, posing for a cute photo for the blog at Harry Potter World, and him, carrying my backpack and trying his best to get the perfect angle.
It perfectly captures how blessed I am to have someone who gladly puts me first, and treats me like the princess I am (or at least act like). I have a Live Photo of this and all you can hear is Elliot yelling “YASS! Work it! WORK IT!”
I mean, who DOESN’T need someone like that?? I know I do.
Elliot strives to always lift me up and support me in any way, and he has been my biggest cheerleader with starting this blog. In fact, it was his idea. He knew I needed a challenge and pushed me to try something new and completely out of my comfort zone. He has helped me in countless ways, including learning how to be an excellent Instagram husband, as well as making sure I have everything I need to grow and thrive.
For those of you who are married, I hope you can remember your first year of marriage and what it was like to be a baby-spouse. I hope you can leave some of your best marriage advice in the comments for those of us who are marriage-infants, those in relationships or even single people seeking deeper relationships. For those of you who aren’t married, keep doing you and don’t rush anything in your desires for a wedding. Weddings are wonderful, but it’s not the best part. Not even close.
My love, it’s been a heck of a year. Thanks for loving me like you do. Happy 1st Anniversary!
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13
