Love Well

Ever since Will was born, Elliot’s been “casually” dropping hints about gifts he would like for Father’s Day. And by “casually” dropping hints, I mean anytime he finds something he likes, he says, “Father’s Day is coming up!” At first, it was so silly, as it was January and Father’s Day wasn’t even close, but I wrote some of them down, just in case.

Now that Father’s Day is mere days away, I’m glad I’ve been reminded on an almost-weekly basis that Father’s Day, is in fact, coming up.

Fathers play such an integral role in our lives, whether we want them to or not. Our fathers are (usually) the ones who lead and guide us, teach us to ride our bikes and catch a ball, and come get us when our cars fail.

I have been blessed with a wonderful father who will drop everything if I call for help. He will also insist on fixing things right in the moment, even if it’s getting late and I’m hungry and I tell him it does not need to be fixed right now, it can wait til tomorrow, and no, I do not want to go to Home Depot at 7:30 pm. He has fixed everything I’ve broken for as long as I can remember, and now Elliot has so graciously assumed that role. My dad will do anything for his family and I am grateful to have a father like that.

In the last six months, I’ve gotten to know a new side of my husband. Elliot is such a good dad. He loves our son so well and is willing to do anything for him. Although we’ve established that he is the “puke parent” and I am the “poop parent” (yes, there is a distinction), he is even willing to change the stinkiest diaper. He takes such good care of our family, especially while I was recovering from delivery, and makes sure we always have what we need. I always had a feeling that he would be a great dad, but I didn’t know to what extent until he became one. I adore how tender he is with our son, and I will never have to worry if Will knows how much his daddy loves him.

A few years ago, I saw a post on Facebook from a friend of mine about her husband, and she said something in a way I had never heard before. She said, “He loves me so well.” It wasn’t how much, but how well. It was a “quality over quantity” distinction that was new to me. I had never really considered whether or not I loved someone well, or what that even meant. I know that I am loved, and I know I love others, but I think there is a huge distinction between loving someone a lot and loving someone well. Loving well implies that you are going above and beyond to meet someone where they are and love them in the way that makes them feel loved. It’s about them. Loving much means that you love someone and they mean a lot to you, but focuses more on the lover, if you will, than the one being loved. It’s about you.

Ever since I saw that, it stayed in the back of my mind, not necessarily in a romantic sense, but with friends and family, as well. What does it mean to love well? Who loves me really well? How can I love someone else well? Can I love myself well?

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who loves as well as Elliot. It’s one of the reasons I married him. I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with him. That’s a different story. As his wife, I experience this love to a different degree, but Elliot’s love extends much further than just me and Will. It’s in the way he listens to my point of view when he doesn’t understand or can’t relate. It’s how he is patient and steady when life is pure chaos. It’s how he always knows what’s truly important, when I get caught up in the details. It’s in the way he truly tries to understand where others are coming from, walk in their shoes, and give them grace. I’m so grateful that Will has a father who models such pure love for him, and teaches me to do the same. He has taught me so much about showing love in the way others need to receive it. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter how I feel or how I want to show my love, if it doesn’t translate to love for the other person.

We were put on this earth for one reason, and one reason only: to love others. It’s our only job, and it’s an important one.

This Father’s Day, love well. Love your fathers, your husbands who are dads, and any father figure you know. Love them well. Love your families well. And love yourself well.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7