What Wisdom Looks Like

I'm a people pleaser.

I don't particularly like this about myself, but it's true. I've actually been working on saying "no" a little bit more, and creating a few more boundaries for myself. It's hard work, but I truly believe it's worth it.

Here's the problem.

For as long as I can remember, I've felt bad about saying "no", simply because I thought it's not what Jesus would do. I mean, Jesus said very clearly in Luke 6

“If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Jesus was the ultimate example. As a Christian, I'm called to follow this example, and to be a disciple everywhere I go. It's hard to say no when it feels like Jesus is telling me to give, give, give, and to say yes, yes, yes.

I don't want to be selfish, but I also can't keep saying yes all the time and spreading myself too thin.

Jesus knows that I'm a weak human. He knows that we can't just say yes all the time.

Don't get me wrong, I personally think saying no is a wonderful thing and we all need to do it more often. I know that I've been taken advantage of by too many people and boundaries are a good and healthy thing. I know that I'm a better wife and friend and daughter and sister when I've prioritized my own time and relationships.

And yet, I needed to hear it from God. Because He's the one in charge, and if he said it, I believe it. If he didn't say it, then it's probably a worldly idea.

But last week, I heard it. Clear as day.

If you know me at all, I'm very specific when it comes to word choice. I consider myself a very honest person, and I will not lie. I needed to hear this message in exact language, and that's exactly what God gave me.

In Matthew 25, Jesus begins with the parable of the ten virgins. The five wise virgins bring extra oil, just in case. The five foolish virgins don't. Much later than expected, the bridegroom arrives, and the foolish virgin's lamps are going out.

“The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’ ‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’”

Okay, so the wise have what the foolish need, but when they ask, the wise say no, because if they give away their oil, they won't have enough for themselves.

There it is.

The wise virgins were not willing to go without so that the foolish would have oil. They made sure that there was enough for themselves. Not too much, they weren't hoarding all the oil. They were simply keeping what they needed. And Jesus called them wise.

For me, time is my oil. For you, it may be energy, or money, or something else.

My priorities in this world are God, my husband, and then my family, in that order. Nothing comes before those things. I don't ever want to get caught up in a bunch of meaningless activities or events if it takes me away from these priorities.

If it brings me closer to God, my husband or helps me love others, then it's a yes. If it's not, then it's probably a no.

I want to be clear - I am not saying that we should say no all the time now. I'm also not saying that Jesus is telling me to say no whenever I want.

I believe that we are called to give freely out of our abundance. Not giving all we have left.

The reason the wise virgins said no, is not because they didn't want to, but because they wouldn't have enough left for themselves.

What I am saying is, just because someone asks us to join in on a good thing, we do not have to say yes.

If it stresses you out and doesn't bring you closer to God, I think it's safe to say no.

If it takes away from time with your spouse or family, it's okay to say no.

If you don't hear God calling you to a certain area of service, it's okay to say no.

If you feel God calling you to take more off your plate, it's okay to say no.

If it doesn't align with your priorities, it's okay to say no.

If it leaves you without enough for yourself, it's okay to say no.

We’re all human. We can’t do it all.

So here’s to saying no a little more often, and saying yes to the things that matter.